I am coordinating a clothing and household items drive for some Burmese refugees who have been resettled to my city. It's through my parish Church. It's basically a truck at the church to pick up donations. So I sent off the typical blast email to pretty much everyone I know. Lots of good responses. Then it comes. You know the one: "For those of us who work, the time for the drop off isn't convenient. When else is there?" For those of us who work. Oh, no she di'n't! Couldn't she at least have said, "For those of us with an early schedule.", or "For those of us needing to be at work early." But to act like she works and I don't? Talk to the hand.
Now I don't toil all day in an apron, but I work plenty. My volunteer time from the classroom to the soccer fields totals to a pretty hefty part time job each week. I haven't gotten defensive about my stay at home mom status in awhile, but this got me going a little.
All moms know that there's a cold war between the stay at homes and the working moms. The part time working moms have the advantage of siding with whichever type is sitting next to them. Neither side is trouble free. The working moms have a built-in get out of jail free card to play to get out of helping at school, etc. The stay at homes have the martyr card to play. (and boy, do we play it) But both sets of moms have another card to play, and it's the one I hate the most: the pity card. For me, it plays like this:
Working mom: What do you do?
Me: I'm at home full time. (I won't say "homemaker")
Working mom: (add head tilt) Good for you!
Sometimes this is acccompanied with the dreaded, "I'd go crazy at home with the kids all day, I'd be bored out of my mind!" Then, the stay at home mom plays her pity card with, "I couldn't bear to have strangers raising my kids!" Ladies and Gentlemen, trust me, it gets ugly!
The pity card is played on the stay at home moms by pretty much everyone; men and women alike. Now if you've been reading some of these posts, you know I'm pretty much a smart ass. I have found a foolproof response that not only answers the question of what I do, but it also takes the pity card out of play.
Working Mom, or just not a stay at home mom: What do you do?
Me: (deadpan) I'm a full time Trophy Wife.
Working Moms give me the eyebrow raise and lip purse, kind of a pissed off smirky look for being a smart ass and cutting off their pity card; and men usually give an enthusiastic grin or even a guffaw. A stay at home mom will usually snort and laugh hysterically. Then she'll ask if she can use that line without paying a royalty. That's after she wipes up the cocktail that just came out of her nose.
Fact is, there's no right or wrong way to do it. I chose this way because it works for my family. 'Chose' being the operative word here. I am a feminist. Every mom needs to make room for other types of moms. And if you are a working mom, don't say, "For those of us who work..." At least not to my face. In return, I promise not to pity you, either.
Now I don't toil all day in an apron, but I work plenty. My volunteer time from the classroom to the soccer fields totals to a pretty hefty part time job each week. I haven't gotten defensive about my stay at home mom status in awhile, but this got me going a little.
All moms know that there's a cold war between the stay at homes and the working moms. The part time working moms have the advantage of siding with whichever type is sitting next to them. Neither side is trouble free. The working moms have a built-in get out of jail free card to play to get out of helping at school, etc. The stay at homes have the martyr card to play. (and boy, do we play it) But both sets of moms have another card to play, and it's the one I hate the most: the pity card. For me, it plays like this:
Working mom: What do you do?
Me: I'm at home full time. (I won't say "homemaker")
Working mom: (add head tilt) Good for you!
Sometimes this is acccompanied with the dreaded, "I'd go crazy at home with the kids all day, I'd be bored out of my mind!" Then, the stay at home mom plays her pity card with, "I couldn't bear to have strangers raising my kids!" Ladies and Gentlemen, trust me, it gets ugly!
The pity card is played on the stay at home moms by pretty much everyone; men and women alike. Now if you've been reading some of these posts, you know I'm pretty much a smart ass. I have found a foolproof response that not only answers the question of what I do, but it also takes the pity card out of play.
Working Mom, or just not a stay at home mom: What do you do?
Me: (deadpan) I'm a full time Trophy Wife.
Working Moms give me the eyebrow raise and lip purse, kind of a pissed off smirky look for being a smart ass and cutting off their pity card; and men usually give an enthusiastic grin or even a guffaw. A stay at home mom will usually snort and laugh hysterically. Then she'll ask if she can use that line without paying a royalty. That's after she wipes up the cocktail that just came out of her nose.
Fact is, there's no right or wrong way to do it. I chose this way because it works for my family. 'Chose' being the operative word here. I am a feminist. Every mom needs to make room for other types of moms. And if you are a working mom, don't say, "For those of us who work..." At least not to my face. In return, I promise not to pity you, either.
1 comment:
rock on sister friend!!!!!!
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