If the shoe fits

I got the above ad from a friend. It came just a day after I went (dun dun duuuuuuun) jeans shopping. Oh, jeans shopping. I am a woman with hips, a fairly large ass for my frame, and I am only 5'1" standing with perfect posture. That's short, in case you didn't know. If you are a woman of any size other than zero, you can feel my pain. Clothes are not made for short women. All of the "petite" jeans tried on at Nordstrom were a full 4 inches too long. "What gives?" I thought. I am in the middle of the petite size guide...everything should fit. Then, after seeing this ad, I put two and two together...I am expected to wear four inch heels with these jeans. Puhleeeeez! First of all, I have a very small foot to match my very small stature. I couldn't walk in four inch heels if I wanted to. And, I know you'll be shocked to hear, I don't want to. I don't do sexy. I don't do hot. If anyone has ever referred to me as "hot", it would be because I was sweating and literally hot. I dress in a typical "mom uniform". Cold weather uniform is a sweater, usually plain, jeans, and some sensible brown shoes or running shoes. Hot weather uniform, shorts (long) and a polo shirt or just a tee shirt and running shoes. If I had to give it a name, it would be frumpy house frau.

Why do women wear those ridiculously high heels? Well, obviously, it's to look sexually appealing to men, and to garner jealously from women. I get that. They do make your legs look longer, and they flex your calf muscle to give a nice shape. But beyond that. Beyond the fuck me heels that you, ahem, leave on... What about the women who wear these daily? Who, no kidding, show up to volunteer at the school library wearing high heels? Who wear these to work every day? For whom are they dressing? Themselves? Maybe. I'm sure that's what they would tell you. "I like them!" Why? Because they make you look like you're on stilts...because they are painful? Because you like to look hot in the school library or for your boss?

Really high heels make you weak. You can't walk easily, and you certainly couldn't run. They are painful, and they cause all kinds of health problems with your back, feet, and legs. They turn otherwise sensible and smart women into creatures who can't fend for themselves. Come to your senses, ladies! You are paying good money to be tortured. If you want to wear those things, fine; but don't be surprised when your feet up and leave you. Right after they bitch slap you to the floor, and say with relief, "I. quit. you."