Freudian Slip

My mower's name is Sheila.  Yes, my lawnmower.  I call her Sheila.  I thought that by naming her, she would be more likely to behave, i.e. run.   Sheila was purchased last year after our old mower died a natural death.  Well, his wheels rusted off, if you call that natural.  He didn't have a name, but that mower was definitely male.  Sheila never did like to start, at least not on the first try, and she's got a key!  I abandoned the key start early in the relationship.  I have changed her oil, air filter, and I even cleaned the carburetor, but she has been nothing but a bitch all season.  Finally, she refused to stay running for more than three minutes at a time.  I had to take her to the Service Center.  Long story longer, she needed several adjustments (after only one season)!  I just brought her home yesterday, and attempted our first mow today.   Before I began, I had a little bargaining session with Sheila.  "Sheila," I said.  "I know that we got off to a rocky start, but now that I know that you had some issues, I'd like to start over." She seemed to agree.  

I fired her up, and she started on the first pull!  "Good girl," I exclaimed.  She plodded along for five minutes, and sputtered out.  This happened two more times.  I went inside, and endured about 30 minutes of Freudian Hell with the SEARS ROBOT.  *cue psycho knife music*

A little backstory:  when I was in college, I took a class that required me to read "The Uncanny" by Sigmund Freud.  (no, smart ass, it wasn't a psychology class)  It basically says that people get the creeps from three things:  Castration (duh, this is FREUD here), the Doppelganger, and Automatons.  This is a gross simplification, but trust me here.  So castration; well, doesn't that freak everyone out?  Doppelganger... I have always been creeped out by twins who dress alike. The Wrigley twins always have those toothy, sinister, eerily identical grins.  I'm still on board. And then there's the automaton.  The robot android person thingy.  I am not creeped out by say, C3PO, but those Japanese "teacher robots" that look just slightly more human than a blowup doll are kinda weird.

So back to the Sears Robot.  You know the one.  That phone robot who talks like she's folks and even hesitates and draws out her words.  The one that you have to TALK TO...   I don't know if Freud had this in mind, but I sure do.  Her name is Renee, but I call her Robot.

Robot:  Welcome to Sears Service Center, what do you need help with?

Me:  My Mower doesn't...

Robot:  (cutting me off)  mmmm Okay, you want store hours?  Is this correct?

Me:  No.

Robot: mmmm I'm sorry, I didn't get that.  Is this correct?

Me: NO!

Robot:  uuuuuh Okay, what can I help you with?

Me:  (cottoning on--I need to talk like Tonto) LAWNMOWER BROKEN!

Robot:  mmm Okay, Lawnmower repair.  Is this correct?

Me:  YES!

Robot:  uuuuh, Let me connect you.

Of course, the last one had a tone to it, like, "was that so hard, bitch?"  I hate that robot.  

She's creepy.  Whoever thought it was good idea to add all of the hemming and hawing is a straight up moron.  It only serves to make me a raving lunatic.   Maybe I need to see Dr. Freud.  

I had to talk to several people and in between I would get transferred back to the robot.  After all that, Sheila seemed to work after I gave her the side eye and threatened her with another trip to the mower doctor.  I've got my fingers crossed.   She's in the shed dreaming of having a voice and maybe legs.